ART MUMS
(Below is information that was on the Mothers Be Heard website - before Your Storyline had been concieved. For an understanding of this context see MBH The Story.)
This space is for mums
who have had children through Assisted Reproductive
Technology (ART) like In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF),
Gamete Intra Fallopian Transfer (GIFT),
Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI), etc.
IVF (ART) Mum Stories
You Might Never Have Children
by Sue
All I ever wanted to be was a Mum....One
doctor's appointment looked to destroy that with a
well meaning but ill informed doctor telling me "you
might never have children". This is where my journey
began, being told that you might never have children
isn't the ideal start.
Anyway, after many appointments, failed
fertility treatment, raging hormones, invasive
procedures, a stressful and frightening pregnancy
later we became parents to a beautiful boy Sam! I've
never been so happy or relieved in my life. He is
perfect in everyway and when he was 9 months old we
decided to put ourselves through it all again and we
were lucky enough to be given a beautiful little
girl, Jessica. Our family was complete, we were the
happiest we had ever been....
Having my children has changed the
direction of my life and taken me on a journey that
I would never of imagined for myself, one of
advocacy, political agendas and a completely
different career. I'm thankful everyday for my
children.
Decided Not To Tell by
Anonymous
Thanks to IVF we have a BEAUTIFUL 8 month
old daughter who is now the centre of our world and
each day we look at her and feel so blessed. We fell
pregnant using the ICSI technology and were
incredibly lucky to fall pregnant in the 1st cycle.
I know we are one of the lucky one's and my heart
goes out to all couples going through the IVF
treadmill.
I sometimes look back and reflect on what
we have been through and how far we have come. I
remember it like it was yesterday sitting in the
Dr's surgery when we were told my husband had no
sperm - not that there was a few but actually NO
sperm. From there it was an anxious 2 week wait to
see the fertility specialist and like when you buy a
new car, you look for your car on the road - well
everywhere we looked we saw these kids and happy
families. It was like rubbing salt in a wound and
was so hurtful. Friends all around us were falling
pregnant and it seemed to be so easy for them. We
kept thinking why us, what did we do wrong.
Now after coming as far as we have and
wanting more children our worries have expanded to
can we have more children, will we be lucky again,
can we afford it, how long emotionally can we put
ourselves through it. We have several embryo's
frozen which we already consider our children - what
happens to them, I can't destroy them????? I don't
think anyone can understand what you are going
through until they have experienced it themselves.
For this reason my husband and I decided
not to tell anyone about our journey, I guess
because we didn't want their sympathy and we didn't
want them to view our daughter any different. But
sometimes when I feel cheated and a little angry
about it I want to tell my friends and I want their
sympathy and I want them to know that they shouldn't
take it for granted; how easy it is for them to get
pregnant when there are so many people that have to
take the long road to have kids - if at all. I want
them to know that it costs us thousands of $ each
attempt and that is something they will never have
to complain about.
This happens in waves. but each time
I look at my daughter and I am just thankful,
grateful and do my best to loose the negativity.
Parenting is such a life changing journey that no
matter what people tell you I don't think you can be
prepared until it actually happens and now we
wouldn't want it any other way!!! I have chosen the
colour red because to me it reflects different moods
- excitement, frustration, fun, sunny, upbeat etc.
Motherhood Second Time Round
by Elbi
My eldest was born with Hirschbrungs
disease and I now have a little boy 3 months old who
was conceived via IVF, ICSI with genetic testing so
that he wouldn't be born with Hirschbrungs. The
testing has been successful and we have a baby with
a normal bowel and he is quite delightful.
Interestingly he only does a poo every 9-14 days
which initially sent me into a tiz as I thought the
genetic testing was unsuccessful. I have been
reassured that he is behaving normally for a fully
breastfed babe.
One of the most stressful times for me was
deciding with my husband whether or not to have a
second child as we both found parenting extremely
difficult at times. I did not find the IVF process
too stressful and this was partially due to the fact
I had a child already and the IVF process was
successful first time round.
My second labour was a fairly routine
normal delivery, where I used a TNS machine for the
first 4 hours and then went into hospital for a
water birth. The first month was hard work with lots
of sleep deprivation and the normal emotional
rollercoaster. However I had lots of support
overnight and managed to establish a good sleep
routine for my new son.
So I am now a mother of 2 children and I am
kept very busy. I feel I am able to enjoy each day
and realise how much stress I endured with my
daughter. I didn't enjoy much of the first 6 months
of her life due to worry and going in and out of
hospital. My son has helped me to understand how
wonderful it is to have a little baby around. I am
very relaxed about making the decision about when to
return to work, this time round being a mother full
time is more important to me.
What Do We Tell Our Children
by Corinne
We tried naturally to conceive for six
years and then underwent 2 years of ICSI. On our
fourth attempt we were finally given a beautiful
baby girl. She was born by C-section 4 weeks early
because she stopped growing and I remember feeling
cheated of a natural labour after having
intervention for everything else. I now look back
and believe this to be so selfish as it was in the
best interests of my daughter and myself that she be
delivered when and how she was. I was very relieved
to be able to breast feed her - at least I COULD do
something myself. We were even more surprised to
find I was pregnant a year later - all by ourselves!
We had a son naturally conceived and delivered 4
weeks early. (They are 16 months apart). I guess my
main reason for writing here is that I would like to
know what other parents are going to, or have told,
their "IVF" children of how they came about. Are
parents being honest or are they fudging the truth a
little? I spoke to my IVF clinic and they have
provided me with resources to tell my daughter
although at this age she is too young to understand
any of it. I guess I just want to be prepared for
when the questions about where she came from begin.
In 2007 Research fellow Dr Karin Hammarberg from Melbourne University shared with Felicity about her research and support for ART Mums on mothersbeheard.com:
"To better understand
the needs of the growing
group of women
who
become
mothers after assisted
conception, in 2001 the Key Centre for Women’s
Health in Society at the University of Melbourne
recruited women who had conceived with ART for a
study of the experiences of childbirth and early
parenting after assisted conception.
"This study, completed
in 2006, is the largest and most comprehensive
Australian investigation of mothering after assisted
conception, with over 150 women completing three
questionnaires after the birth of their child. My
colleagues and I compared this data with the general
population and with data from other studies of
childbearing women.
"The study found that
compared to other women, those who conceived using
assisted reproductive technologies were:
• Three
times more likely to be admitted to early parenting
centres;
• Less likely to be breastfeeding their
babies at three months;
• Less confident about
their mothering skills;
• More anxious about
caring for a new baby;
• Twice as likely to have
a caesarean; and
• More likely to be disappointed
with their birth experience.
"Becoming a mother is a
significant event in any woman’s life. This study
shows that when the path to motherhood has been
complicated by infertility and ART it may be more
emotionally complex. We believe that infertility,
the need for technology to conceive and an operative
birth may have a cumulative effect in eroding a
woman’s confidence in herself and her own body. On
top of that, these women are often immensely
grateful that the treatment worked, and have a very
low sense of entitlement to complain about the
problems and anxieties they are facing when
adjusting to motherhood.
"I’m excited to endorse ‘ART Mums’ on mothersbeheard.com because it is the first Australian online community to provide a specific venue for these mums to feel supported."
Dr Karin Hammarberg's Research
The following two
articles are sourced from
www.unimelb.edu.au
(Melbourne University) and
www.apo.org.au (Australian
Policy Online) respectively. Just click the
hyperlinks for the original transcripts. You
can also read Dr Hammarbergs
abstract, or view the
full text of 'Women's experience of birth and early
mothering following assisted conception' (PDF file)
by clicking
thesis.
______________________________________________________________________
More support needed
for IVF mums, says University of Melbourne study
Media Release, Monday 5
March 2007
Women who conceive
using assisted reproductive technology, such as IVF,
are more likely to feel anxious and lack confidence
in caring for their babies than those who conceive
without treatment, according to a University of
Melbourne study.
In the largest Australian
study of mothering after assisted conception,
research fellow Dr Karin Hammarberg, from the Key
Centre for Women’s Health in Society, tracked more
than 150 women over the first 18 months of
motherhood.
Their experiences of early
parenting were compared with data taken from the
general population and other surveys of new mothers.
The study found that compared to other women,
those who conceived using assisted reproductive
technologies were:
• Three times more likely to
be admitted to early parenting centres;
• Less
likely to be breastfeeding their babies at three
months;
• Less confident about their mothering
skills;
• More anxious about caring for a new
baby;
• Twice as likely to have a caesarean; and
• More likely to be disappointed with their birth
experience.
Dr Hammarberg says there is a
correlation between the amount of difficulty a woman
has in conceiving and her confidence levels on
leaving hospital.
“Women who take longer to
conceive, go through more treatment cycles and have
miscarriages have lower levels of confidence when
they go home with their new babies,’’ she says.
Dr Hammarberg’s research also found that women
who received assisted reproductive technology were
also on average five years older when they gave
birth, more likely to be first time mothers and nine
times more likely to have twins.
Dr
Hammarberg says women who conceive using fertility
treatment have very high expectations of life with a
new baby.
“These expectations can leave them
unprepared for the extraordinary demands involved in
caring for a newborn,’’ she says.
“A degree
of distrust in their ability to care for their baby
may also explain their higher use of residential
parenting services such as sleep schools.
“However, because it has been so difficult for them
to fall pregnant, they are immensely grateful for
their children and do not feel entitled to complain
about the problems and anxieties of new
motherhood.’’
Dr Hammarberg’s says her study
provides important information for health
professionals working with new mothers.
“My
study clearly shows that many women who receive
fertility treatment need extra support once they
become mothers – and this is a great opportunity to
intervene early and support them before problems
arise,’’ she says.
Dr Hammarberg’s study
suggests strategies to better prepare women for
parenthood. These include:
• Reassuring
women that it is normal to feel ambivalent about
motherhood;
• Providing women with information
about their increased likelihood of caesarean to
lessen disappointment after birth;
• Boosting
women’s belief in their ability to care for their
baby;
• Intensive support to help women with
breastfeeding problems;
• Practical advice on
feeding and settling babies after leaving hospital;
and
• Including fathers in pre-natal education so
they understand how important it is to provide
practical and emotional support to their partners.
“Being a new mother can be extremely exhausting
and isolating, especially if your baby is unsettled
and cries a lot,’’ Dr Hammarberg says.
“Women
need to know that, regardless of how they have
conceived their baby, that needing help is universal
and normal.’’
Karin Hammarberg is a
research fellow in the Key Centre for Women’s Health
in Society, University of Melbourne.
Infertility: The emotional cost doesn’t stop when a baby is born
Posted 3rd March 2007
A new
study proposes strategies for health care
professionals to ease the transition to motherhood
for women who give birth after fertility treatment,
writes Karin Hammarberg
AMONG the women who give
birth in Australia each year, the proportion aged 35
and over has increased from 12.7 per cent in 1994 to
19.5 per cent – or nearly one in five – in 2004.
Many couples who try to start a family when they are
in their late 30s and 40s discover that they are
unable to conceive and resort to assisted
reproductive technology (ART). The birth rate after
fertility treatment in Australia is increasing; in
2004, over 7000 children were born as a result of
ART, accounting for 2.7 per cent of all Australian
births that year. But the evidence suggests that ART
creates a unique set of challenges for women.
Delayed childbearing is
due to a range of factors. Women are leaving the
parental home and forming permanent relationships at
an older age. Marriages are more likely to break
down and cohabiting couples have a high rate of
separations. More women are pursuing a career and
are increasingly financially independent. And, of
course, contraception is more reliable. Recent
research also suggests that some women miss their
opportunity to have children due to their partner’s
reluctance to commit to parenthood.
As a nurse with 20 years
experience of working with couples with fertility
problems, I became acutely aware that this pathway
to parenthood is not without its personal and
physical consequences. To better understand the
needs of the growing group of women who become
mothers after assisted conception, the Key Centre
for Women’s Health in Society at the University of
Melbourne conducted a prospective longitudinal study
of the experiences of childbirth and early parenting
after assisted conception.
This study is the largest
and most comprehensive Australian investigation of
mothering after assisted conception, with over 150
women completing three questionnaires after the
birth of their child. My colleagues and I compared
this data with the general population and with data
from other studies of childbearing women.
The ART group was more
socioeconomically advantaged than other women of
comparable age. On average, they were five years
older when they gave birth, and more likely to be
first-time mothers (70 per cent versus 42 per cent),
have twins (18 per cent versus 1.6 per cent) and
experience a caesarean section delivery (51 per cent
versus 25 per cent). When asked about their
experience of the birth, they were more likely than
other women to feel disappointed, particularly if
they had a caesarean section birth. Furthermore,
they were more likely to report feeling anxious
about caring for the new baby when they left
hospital.
The study found that
women who conceive with ART experience more
early-parenting difficulties than comparison groups,
including a lower sense of maternal confidence, a
three times higher rate of admission to residential
early parenting services in the first eighteen
months, lower rates of breastfeeding at three
months, and more anxiety about being separated from
the baby.
Becoming a mother is a
significant event in any woman’s life. This study
shows that when the path to motherhood has been
complicated by infertility and ART it may be more
emotionally complex. We believe that infertility,
the need for technology to conceive and an operative
birth may have a cumulative effect in eroding a
woman’s confidence in herself and her own body. On
top of that, these women are often immensely
grateful that the treatment worked and have a very
low sense of entitlement to complain about the
problems and anxieties they are facing when
adjusting to motherhood.
The findings of this
study allow us to think of ways to meet the needs
women who give birth after ART. Some suggested
strategies include the following:
• Make it very clear
during pregnancy that there is a high chance that
the birth will be by caesarean section to lessen
disappointment if that happens.
• Reinforce
to women that it is normal to feel ambivalent about
the baby and being a mother, even if the baby was
very wanted and conception was difficult.
•
Increase awareness that being a new mother,
especially if the baby is unsettled and cries a lot,
can be extremely exhausting and isolating.
•
Provide clear, concise and consistent advice about
feeding and settling babies.
• Reassure
women about their ability to care adequately for
their baby.
These strategies could be
used by health care professionals to ease the
transition to motherhood for the growing group of
women who give birth after ART.
The IVF
Survival Kit
The following article was submitted by Parent-Infant Specialist Nichola Bedos, author of IVF and Ever After, who urges couples to plan to manage the emotions that treatment may bring.
"The concept of
in vitro fertilisation has forever altered the way
all couples move through the challenges of
conception, pregnancy and parenthood. Every mum and
dad I now speak to has thought about the feelings he
or she would have if there are difficulties
conceiving. That there are now ways to help couples
for whom infertility is a reality is simply a
miracle no 1960’s science fiction movie could ever
have captured. That said, those couples who do go
through IVF have some tough issues to deal with and
I believe the ‘helping professionals' should be
ready and willing to help ease this process on an
emotional level.
Not just about baby
"Until around 2003, IVF
specialists considered that a couple would have no
more concerns once they had successfully conceived
and delivered a healthy baby; successful IVF was a
complete ‘cure’ for the emotions that surround
infertility. Over the last four years, researchers
have begun to find that there can be lingering
emotional issues for families and we are now very
much exploring what these issues are and how we, as
professionals, can help.
"Most of the
difficulties IVF parents have centres on anxiety.
There is so much uncertainty within IVF; “Will my
eggs ripen? Will the harvesting be successful? Will
fertilisation take place? Will the embryo develop?
Will implantation happen? Will the pregnancy last?”
Experts know uncertainty is something the human
brain hates because we cannot begin to process what
has happened. We are stuck, waiting for something to
go wrong and this situation breeds worry; the
nagging questions around “Am I taking care of
myself? Is there something more wrong with me? Will
we ever have our own baby?” This worry can become
part of life and can stay even when a baby arrives.
Knowing how to help yourself and your partner is a
great asset, not just during conception but for life
in general.
Surviving, and thriving!
"Nothing can make the IVF
process easy but anticipating anxiety and living
life to minimise it makes a huge difference. Here
are some of the stress-reducing tips my clients have
loved:-
• Choose a time to go through IVF that is
as low-stress as possible. Avoid simultaneously
renovating, caring for a sick relative and having an
older child undergo surgery.
• Whilst you go
through treatment, help each other find time to
exercise, eat healthily and have weekly ‘down’ time
when you can relax and enjoy a solo activity that
boosts your feel-good hormones. Some suggestions
include a facial, coffee with a girlfriend or yoga
class for women and a beer with a mate, a game of
golf or a quiet time to read the weekend papers for
guys.
• Use complementary therapies that have
been shown to boost fertility such as acupuncture
and hypnotherapy.
• Have someone to confide in so
that your emotions are not pushed ‘underground’.
This may be a friend, family member or a
professional.
• Don’t try to make your partner
look at the situation the way you do. Both of you
need to be able to voice your opinions
without feeling judged.
counselling service in Adelaide